A recent fatherhood interview offers a reason to ask a quieter question at home: are we getting to know the person behind the provider?

In a September 20 PEOPLE interview, Jason Ritter considered how his daughter might someday get to know him through his interviews.

That is a useful starting point, not a claim about his private family life. A child can know what a parent does without knowing what that parent thinks, enjoys, fears, or hopes to become.

Reliability can hide the person

Paying bills, solving problems, and showing up are meaningful expressions of care. The difficulty begins when those contributions become the only things a relationship notices. A request can be perfectly reasonable and still land on someone who has not been asked how he is doing.

The Walking ATM Myth by Bosco Mutarambirwa examines that distinction through David, a fictional father. This reflective nonfiction book follows the provider role as it becomes tied to identity, guilt, and constant availability. It asks what remains of a father's sense of worth when he stops measuring himself only by his usefulness.

A conversation worth having now

Before the next family request, try a different question: what has mattered to you lately that has nothing to do with helping us? The answer need not become another task to solve. Listening is the point.

This is not a proposal to withdraw support or keep a scorecard of affection. It is an invitation to notice the person who gives it.

If that tension sounds familiar, read the sample or buy The Walking ATM Myth on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H44VZQ8L

Finished the book? Help other readers decide by leaving an honest review:
https://www.amazon.com/review/review-your-purchases/?asin=B0H4G91VZX

Darwin Publications publishes this book. It is educational and reflective reading, not legal, financial, psychological, medical, or other professional advice.

Source: PEOPLE's September 20 interview with Jason Ritter: https://people.com/jason-ritter-says-fans-love-for-dad-john-ritter-influences-legacy-he-wants-to-leave-for-his-daughter-exclusive-12128044

Neither the interview nor this article implies an endorsement of the book.